Kim Bowles Happy Clients

Kim Bowles Happy Clients

Black Women! Beware of Naysayers, Slackers & Spirit Vampires, Plan ABC? More Weddings

BWIIM&R: SLICE: Beware of Naysayers, Slackers & Spirit Vampires, Plan ABC? More Weddings: Read more of this article click here

Evelyn Paul (chef to the wealthy) with husband, Andrew and family-- Thanks, Felicia!
Evelyn, on the lefthand side, is 37, and looks as young as her daughters! And yes, we must spread the news and views of  bw--on this SLICE. That's what we, here at the EZINE, do.  Her  SITE1  SITE2. See video below plus her Style Site.
This is a GREAT type of business for someone who likes to cook. Go to culinary school and get the credentials; then go for it!! Find a few people to cook for  and if you're good, they will help you to build your clientele.
This goes for any kind of personal service that you can supply. There are people who CAN afford you.
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Entry begins--
We are in the midst of getting ready for my oldest son's wedding AND condo-shopping. We are also getting ready to go away for a weeklong vacation. Whew!

Re our condo-shopping, our blended, growing family is planning to buy a multi-bedroom condo in the city that we can all use whenever we're in the city, or we may rent out sometimes.

The point is that we will own a place in the area of the city that we like the most, and thankfully, condo maintenance is shared by the condo association (exterior) and owner (interior).  I love that. I already own a very nice condo in an adjacent state that I bought when I got divorced, but it was important to Darren that we make our home here on the farm. So, I moved here.

Between me and you, I get restless on the farm sometimes (too much tranquility), so that's when I or Darren and I go and spend time in the city and stay at the apartment we currently rent there.

I rent my condo to my youngest adult son. He likes living there. So, it's a win-win for both of us. His expenses are very low since he rents from his mom and the rent he pays me pays for the condo and its fees.
 
Mercy and Daniel
Engagement Site & Wedding Video



Daniel & Mercy - Wedding Highlights from Kenneth Munoz on Vimeo.
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Tiffany and Beau (his name)  SITE
I was talking to one of my male cousins down south early this morning about a family business that he's started with his four daughters. So, we kicked around the possibility of his daughters and my sons possibly joining in together for the business or at least helping each other out, at intervals at some point in the future. It can be done. My cousins and I are bound together by my grandmother.
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Melody and Dustin  SITE 
My grandmother was born and bred in the backwoods of Alabama and never traveled far from there. She was a dynamo of a woman, with lots of energy and ideas. She planted the business "bug" in the grandchildren who spent the most time with her. That's me and several of her other grandchildren, which of course, includes this particular male cousin.

She was already quite old by the time I became fully aware of her, but it was largely from her that I learned that the world was available and open to Black women, despite any barriers. I don't just think that; I know that.
She proved that the world was open and available to women who look like her and me. She proved this by her accomplishments in Jim Crow Alabama and its aftermath.

Looking back on her life, apparently she didn't tolerate naysayers. LOL! They either stayed away from her or they kept quiet. I know that because I spent a lot of my childhood living with her and I don't recall ever hearing anyone talk about what they couldn't do or what I or anyone couldn't do, around her. I do remember some of the biting opinions she had about slackers, so I knew I could never become a slacker. I grew up believing that I could do and MUST do.
She also instilled in me that I, as a bw, must have always have a Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C and that all of these plans must be attended to frequently--stoked and nursed--because I might need one or more of them at any time to pay off for me. She often said: "It's a foolish mouse that only has one hole." LOL! Said another way, "You have to have many irons in the fire because you never know when you may need for one of them to be hot."  Bw--Do NOT broadcast your plan a, b, c to anyone! Just make sure your plans are humming along, behind the scene.

So bw, this is why I have a difficult time accepting the jibberish about what some of you can't do. That is all in your head. You have simply been surrounded by naysayers, slackers, those who suck away at your spirit; they program you to fail. What's even worse is that some of you seem to like and love these naysayers, slackers and spirit vampires. You allow them to become your friends and lovers but you then don't seem to understand why you can't get rid of that confusion and  depression, why you just can't get the money to move away from people who stress you out,  or why you can't meet and mesh with a QLL man.

Ciana and Robert
SITE
  You need to get away from those naysayers, slackers, and vampires! If you feel comfortable around people like that, they've GOT you.

Some of you say "amen" to that, but then you write to me and present all kinds of excuses as to why you just can't get away from these folks. LOL!

You'd be amazed at the brightness of your days if you get away them. And you absolutely must get away from the MEDIA too. Turn away from the media!!
I run across sites online where Black women discuss those reality shows as if they're real life!!
Yes, I used to watch soap operas, but I always knew they had nothing to do with real life. These days, many young women of all groups identify with those reality show 'stars' and try to mimic them. For ex., I hear of white women who dress like and mimic the behavior of the dance studio owner of that 'Dance Mom' reality show. I've sat on my sofa while that show happened to be on TV.
And just this morning, my male cousin laughed about how his daughter, who is engaged, has turned into a 'Bridezilla'! SMH

Anyway, I never allowed naysayers, slackers, or spirit vampires to remain in my social orbit when I was working outside the home, and of course, they're not around me now. I showed no interest in them. They considered me aloof and snobbish. Good! So they left me alone.

And yes, I've gotten lonely for likeminded others at times. But it is far, far better to be alone than to chip yourself down to mesh with people who will bring you down--permanently. My common sense and mental state are way too valuable to allow anyone to mess with them!!

Some of you write me notes saying you admire me, but I always feel a bit uncomfortable when I receive those notes. I am just being myself. I haven't done anything but be myself, an ordinary perosn. My life has been pretty smooth sailing. I am thankful.
Some people tell me that they love it that I don't ever change. Well, no, I won't--because I'm just being myself. LOL! Is that an achievement these days? I dunno.
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Charday and Jack
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I've been able to meet and mesh with 3 QLL men (engaged to all 3, but married 2 of them), but that didn't take any effort on my part. I was just being myself.
It was actually easy because I am ONLY attracted to QLL men. It has nothing to do with their race, ethnicity, religion, etc. The proof of that is that my first serious relationship was with an Arab Muslim man who was born and bred in the Middle East, my 2nd great romance was with a Nigerian man, and the current man who lights up my days and warms my nights is Darrren, a Yankee, white man. What really amazes me are the striking similarities between these 3 men.


This is a part of the reason why I have self-defined as a PAB (passing as black) woman. I know that there is absolutely nothing essentially different between the races, ethnicities, and religions of people. There is a ton of proof of all types for this.
And in my case, if these men were so different--in their very essence, then  how could they be so incredibly much alike???? These 3 men are from diverse cultures that have never crossed paths.

That proves to me that it's not the race, ethnicity, or religion that causes these differences that so many people fixate on in other people; it's largely experiences that cause the differences.
I stress that because so many people think that these differences are genetic differences!
That also proves to me that whichever mate I might meet in my next life, he will be very much like these 3 men. Yes!
 Aside from their outward appearance and slight personality differences, these 3 men could be the same man. LOL! I just find that uncanny!!!! I met the Arab man when I was 21 and I feel like I'm still with him. LOL!!!
Who would have thought beforehand that I would mesh with an Arab Muslim man???? The sterotype is that they are sexist womanizers. Not the one that I meshed with. Who would think I would mesh with a Nigerian man? The stereotype about them is that they are sexist, domineering, womanizers. Not the one I married and lived with for 26 years. Who would think I, an Alabama woman, could mesh with a Yankee white man from a conservative background (though he, personally, is very liberal)?

Suppose I hadn't been friendly and receptive to these men!! I would have blocked my happiness. I would have prevented myself and my children from living well, living a life on a level--during periods of my life--that some of you can't even imagine.

This is why I urge bw, without any reservation, to go out there, mingle like a butterfly, and find or be found by the most compatible  QLL man for you. In my experience, race, religion, and ethnicity did NOT make a difference; it boils down to compatibility between INDIVIDUALS. So your ONE man is an individual--NOT a group of men.
So, why would any intelligent woman overlook whole groups of individual men when the most compatible man for you could be any ONE of those INDIVIDUAL men?

Smart bw are never going to do that. Smart bw VET all men. They mingle with QLL men, and this provides a tremendous boost to their forward and upward movement. Remember that in a patriarchal world,  the man a woman mates with will largely determine her fate AND the fates of her children and descendants, for generations.  
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Evelyn Paul's Video

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For The Other Woman by Respite from Sociopathic Behavior/It won't happen to you. He'll be different with you.

I feel SORRY for Black and Hispanic Chics in Springfield, Mass and all over the United States, fighting over a worthless Damaged Beyond Repair Man.  I am so HAPPY I AM FREE!! I SHAMED THE BUZZARD, KICKED HIS ASS, AND BOUNCED!! I AM NO ONE'S VICTIM! 

You two have a "connection," a rapport that he didn't have with his ex. You have more things in common, similar personalities. He's pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike - it's just uncanny. You are so lucky to have met him at this point in your life. He says that he really appreciates you for who you are - and he's the first person to really do that, isn't he? Sure, he said the same things to *her* when he got together with her (and then grew to hate so many things about her), but it's different with you. He couldn't possibly be operating from scripts anymore. And it's so nice to finally have someone YOU can lean on, isn't it? It's hard being on your own, building a career, managing a household, and doing it all yourself. All of a sudden, here's this guy offering to help in ways that no one ever did. Knowing all the things you have been longing for and wanting in a partner. He couldn't possibly be hooking into your heart-felt desires and hurt places and pretending to be the answer, because he knows that's where you are vulnerable. He couldn't be pretending to like the things you like, and want the things you want, and be the person you have been looking for, because it's part of his patterns. Just because he did that with the women that came before you, doesn't mean he's doing that with you. He's really sincere this time.

He's told you all his deep dark secrets (at least, all the ones he thinks can win him sympathy and attention). He's acknowledged how he behaved badly in the past (even though it was brought out by who he was with). You two must have a very special connection for him to be so open and "honest". And he seems to be remorseful, so that must mean he won't do that kind of thing again, right? Not with you. You're special. So what if he told his ex the same kinds of deep, dark secrets, opened up in the same way? So what if he exhibited the same kind of remorse for things he did to partners before HER? So what if he told her all the same sob stories and pretended to be working on his shit with her? So what if he lied to his therapist and others? He really means it this time, with you.

He says things are going to be different with YOU. Even though he SAYS he accepts responsibility for his actions, he also says that it was really things in HER that brought out his bad behavior. He's not going to be like that with YOU. Sure, he said the same things to HER, but this time he'll be different, because he's told you how YOU are different from her. (So what if he's told other people how you remind him of HER? That doesn't mean he's following the same old patterns, targetting the same types of women. That doesn't mean that he'll be turn abusive with YOU at some point...) He's such a sweet, wonderful, helpful guy, it MUST have been something in HER that caused him to act badly, right?

So what if he was busy cutting her down behind her back with their mutual friends while he was telling her she was the "best thing that ever happened to him", and that he had "never loved anyone as much as he loved her"? That doesn't mean he still has the capacity to be manipulative and dishonest and cruel. He was just confused, the poor man. And besides, he won't be like that anymore, with the right woman to love him and dote on him. She just didn't give him the kind of attention he really needed. But YOU will. So he'd NEVER do that to YOU.

So what if it was less than a year after breaking off with his ex before he got together with you? It's not like an abuser should spend a few years in therapy, and work on his stuff before getting involved in another intimate relationship, right? I mean, after over 4 decades abuse and being an abuser, he can get himself fixed up enough to stop harming others in a just few months, with the right woman to rescue, er, "help" him.

And those stories of how his ex-wife emotionally abandoned him... He's just had it so ROUGH all his life! He told you how she didn't even try to keep the marriage together or say that she wanted to try to salvage their relationship when he said he wanted to separate. She was just so unfeeling! The poor man - here he was trying so HARD and all - seeing a counsellor and everything! It couldn't possibly be that SHE was so emotionally beaten down by his behavior that she was RELIEVED when he wanted to leave... He couldn't have been emotionally abusive and dishonest with HER too! If his ex-wife didn't trust him, it had nothing to do with HIM and his behavior - it must have been HER issues.

So what if he USED YOU to break a trust with a woman he was already seeing? It's not like they were actually *partners* or anything! She was just convenient for hurting his ex (he set her up really nicely to do that a couple of times), getting attention, an ego stroke, and occasional sex while he was waiting for the *right* woman to show up. Since you came along, he doesn't need her anymore. He's got YOU to feed his ego. And breaking her trust was a convenient way to ensure that he wouldn't have to bother with her anymore and could focus on YOU. He did it so carefully too. (He knows that it's the series of "gentle" cuts that leave the most stinking wounds.) That way, SHE would be the one saying she didn't want to have anything to do with HIM, and he could blame HER for why they can't still be friends. Isn't he clever? What a creative way to get rid of someone when they are no longer useful!

And if this most recent woman doesn't want to see him anymore or even be friends with him, it must be because she is jealous of the wonderful relationship you and HE have! It must be because he dumped her for you, and she's just not big enough to accept that. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the WAY he did things or tried to blame HER for his behavior. It couldn't have anything to do with him LYING to her and using her, and having a hidden agenda of expectations that he told her she just wasn't living up to. Nope. That would be his old M.O. playing out again, and he was a changed man by the time he met you. So it couldn't be THAT.

Besides, even if she deeply cared about him, he didn't have the same deep feelings for her, so that makes it ok to have sex with you, before talking to HER about it, right? He was just so TAKEN with you! Doesn't that just make you feel all . . . oh, I don't know - SPECIAL? She just wasn't long term partner material, and he made that clear to her anyway. If she knew he didn't have the same feelings, and was willing to continue to be used by him because she had fallen in love with him, who was HE to turn down that kind of attention and strokes? It's not like he had any responsibility to not take advantage of someone who was emotionally vulnerable or anything. And he broke things off with her eventually. He just didn't tell her about you and the sex stuff right away because he wanted to *protect* her from getting hurt. What a GREAT guy! See, he really did have amazing consideration for HER feelings! Withholding information isn't the same as LYING or anything. That's not dishonest, right? It couldn't possibly be that he was deliberately stringing her along until he was sure YOU were hooked. No. He's too sweet and charming and nice for that. He was just CONFUSED about his feelings, that's all. Besides, it's not like you two had UNPROTECTED sex before he told her about you, so that he could use you (the way he used HER) to break THAT trust as well... Even if he's BROKEN A SACRED TRUST THIS SAME WAY, SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE (with other partners and lovers), he wouldn't be repeating the same old abuse patterns with you.

You're special.

And even if he WAS being dishonest at the start of your relationship, he lied to someone ELSE. It's not like he was dishonest with YOU (that you know of, yet), so that makes it OK, right? (So what if ms-non-partner-material thought the same thing, and excused him, the first time she found out he was dishonest with her? This time, he will be different, because he really LOVES you.)

Of course, he told you how his last sex partner said she didn't think it would last between you two (when he broke it off with her)... but he couldn't be using THAT as a ploy to hook you further (wanting to prove her wrong). So what if he used exactly the same line on each new mark in the past, telling the next one in line that the previous one didn't believe the two of you could last? He wouldn't be using LINES and PLOYS and subtle MANIPULATION on YOU...

Even if in his past, he DID say,

"Some of the problems I bring about by vamping, pumping up the emotional content of a situation. Of course that's easy to do with a new friend. I have a stock of techniques and behaviors, tested. I'm also inventive ... so I pick up new techniques fairly quickly...

It's just I'd rather enjoy the "romance". It comes naturally to me. I enjoy doing it. It's also a head trip for me, with my poor self esteem, to have someone so taken with me. I like the first results, the joyous feelings, the elation, the euphoria, just not where it leads."

... he couldn't possibly still have been doing that with her, or even YOU. He has REAL, deep feelings for you. You've even seen him cry and show his vulnerable side. That MUST mean he's sincere, right? He couldn't possibly be using YOU for an ego stroke. Not the man YOU know.

He's just so caring and sensitive and considerate. He's so sweet, rubbing cream into your hands and feet at night, sending you little cards, reading to you in the afternoon, doing all those romantic things. He really does seem too good to be true - cooking, cleaning, intelligent, literate, creative, affectionate. So what if he was like that for the first year or so with her too... before the subtle patterns of abuse started to creep in? So what if all that "wonderful" behavior shifted until he was telling her he loved her one day and then telling others how horrible she was behind her back the next? He wouldn't do that to you too, down the road. She must have brought it out in him. He couldn't possibly be playing the same game over and over again, with you as the next target. All those wonderful things he has done - all the romantic things, all the ways he has helped out and called, and done things for you, they couldn't all be just scripts. "Stock Techniques" for hooking. No. This time, he's sincere. This time he'll be different, with you.

So what if he has been incapable of honesty and integrity all his life? So what if he actually admitted to his ex (just about the time you two met): "I am afraid of truth-tellers. I have so many lies in my past and present. The truth burns." That couldn't mean that he was telling lies to YOU. After all, he was so HONEST about his dishonesty so THAT'S got to count for something... It must mean he realizes his mistakes and won't make the same ones again, right? The fact that he acknowledges things is so CONVINCING. If he acknowledges it, then he couldn't possibly STILL do those sorts of things. Sure, sure. He had HER convinced too. But he couldn't possibly be STILL lying to YOU. You're special.

So what if two of the other women he was involved with wound up in the psychiatric ward? So what if he "helped" a vulnerable friend by encouraging her to break her marriage vows, exacerbating her marital problems, and then abandoning her when she asked if he could be there for her? He needed an ego stroke and she was conveniently there and conveniently vulnerable from a death in the family. So what if he undermined his ex's support network and used a mentally ill woman's attraction to him to try and hurt her further? So what if he used and hurt a dying woman so that he could feel needed and in control? He was just being HELPFUL to all those women. Maybe he LIED to them, sometimes, but that was only to PROTECT the fragile little dears. He's SUCH a sensitive guy, you see. He couldn't POSSIBLY have been USING people for ego strokes.

So what if he used and was abusive to his life-partner's children in order to get back at his her? Hurting and using kids is excusable, right? (After all, she must have deserved it. THEY must have deserved it. Right? Because he really DOES love kids... or at least, that's what he has said...) The guy YOU know could never be like that. And... well... even if he WAS, he's obviously changed. He's undergone a miraculous transformation in just one year. He's just shed ALL those abusive patterns and become a NEW man. He's going to be completely different, with you.

Yeah, sure, he might have done those kinds of things in the past, but the past is the past, right? It doesn't have any danger of repeating itself with you. Just because all those other women were "damaged", doesn't mean that he will someday be telling people how damaged YOU are... Not YOU. You're SPECIAL.

His love for you is so strong and your connection to each other is so different (at least, that's what he has told you, and you know you can trust him, right?), he wouldn't EVER do anything deliberately hurtful or malicious to YOU. He wouldn't undermine YOUR support network and use your friends to hurt YOU. He'd never make snide remarks about YOU behind your back and then make sure you found out about it. No no no. SHE must have brought that out in him. But you, you're special.

Besides, he's been in therapy. That must mean he's sincere, right? He wouldn't possibly be using the whole "therapy" thing as a cover-up to make himself look better because his reputation got damaged after the fiasco with his ex. He couldn't possibly be using contrition, and the "I feel so bad about myself"-line to get sympathy and support! He couldn't possibly be looking for a person to hook into that is in a different town so that she has less likelihood of finding out his past. He couldn't possibly be going after women who have a strong sense of personal responsibility because he knows how to manipulate that to try and get them to feel responsible for HIS sick feelings. He couldn't possibly be seeking out active, intelligent, dedicated women, so that he can PUNISH them when they don't direct all that energy to HIM. Just because he has engaged in such manipulative behavior in the past doesn't mean he would be doing that NOW. Not with YOU. You're SPECIAL.

He's so contrite and sincere about "working on his issues", he couldn't possibly be lying about that. Just because he has a history pathological lying to himself and others, doesn't mean he'll be that way with you. Besides, if he has deceived himself so completely that HE doesn't know it's a lie, then he can't be held accountable for it, right? He can always claim that he doesn't have good "memory" for things in the past. But don't worry. He won't use that sort of deception and evasion with YOU. You're special.

The poor guy just made bad choices before (you). Sure he made mistakes, but if most of his ex(s) don't want to have anything to do with him, and some now think he is mentally ill, it must be because THEY are unstable - I mean, look at how amazing and kind and charming he is with you... He couldn't possibly have been like that with them TOO... He wouldn't be using stock romance "lines" on YOU.

This time, it's REALLY love. You're Special.

Sure, he did a *few* things in his past that were unkind, but he needs to be forgiven for HIS behavior, (after all, she drove him to it), but HER mistakes and reactions to his abuse, were unforgivable. But things will be different with you. He won't think YOUR mistakes are unforgivable. He won't apply a double-standard to YOU. He won't expect YOU to be perfect and subtlely criticize you when you don't measure up to his standards. You're the one who is going to change his life. And, of course, you keep your kitchen immaculate, so he'll have no reason to criticize THAT.

And speaking of unforgivable, of COURSE he can't forgive her for doing things that *hurt* him (he's so deeply sensitive, you see) - but he couldn't possibly have lied about the things he said she did. He couldn't possibly have "set up" situations so he could cry foul... He wouldn't have ENCOURAGED her to do things so he could later claim that he was hurt by her... And, well, even if he DID, maybe do that, he certainly won't do it with YOU. You're too special for that. Any time he tells you he's happy for you and he encourages you to do something, he'll REALLY mean it, with YOU. He won't create a revisionist fantasy of your past so that he can insist you did things to hurt him as a justification for his cruelty to you. He won't secretly resent you for not devoting all your time to him. Even if he DID do that with her, he won't do it with you. Especially after he makes all those sacrifices and moves in with you. He won't secretly be dependent on YOU for all his attention. He won't be more demanding of you and your time and resent you when you don't give it all to him. Not THIS time. You're SPECIAL.

He's such a nice guy, he won't "help" you (especially unsolicited) and then have an unstated hidden agenda like he did with all the others. He's going to claim his right to be "selfish" now, because he's been so USED from all the excessive GIVING he did in the past that nobody really appreciated. The poor guy. He's never taken time to be selfish in the past - not even when he was sitting alone in his room, sucking off his hurts, or using other people. That wasn't selfish - that was just "acting out". But he's better now. Don't worry. He won't use his new-found right to be "selfish" against YOU. No. He really is a changed man, with you. With you he will give unconditionally.

It's no WONDER he behaved so badly! Look at how his ex was always hurting him, oppressing him with her refusal to live her life solely for him, expecting him to be honest with his feelings and actions, when he just wasn't ready. And besides, he just can't handle confrontation, you know? And like, she's just so SCARY when she's upset (it's just so unbeCOMing when women display any anger!) that he HAD to act that way. She actually raised her voice at times! Can you imagine? He had this abusive childhood, so nobody else is allowed to have anger except HIM. Because, like, he can't DEAL with it, and he shouldn't be expected to! He couldn't possibly have been projecting HIS issues on her so that someone else could have his anger FOR him, or so that he could get angry with someone other than himself! He couldn't possibly have been DELIBERATELY hitting all her hot buttons to hurt and upset her so he could lay blame. And, well, even if he DID do that for years, he won't do it anymore, with you.

And if somehow you accidentally do things that "trigger" his old abuse patterns, he'll be so sweet in telling you how you are doing things that remind him of her, so that YOU can change YOUR behavior. After all, you wouldn't want him to start acting abusive again because of something YOU did.

And you don't have to worry about that, because you'll never get upset with him, and you'll never challenge him to be honest or to accept responsibility for his actions. SHE did that, and it was "controlling," but it'll be different with you, because you know better. And you won't need to worry about calling him on his behavior anyway, because he'll NEVER lie to YOU. He'll always be completely honest and upfront with you. He won't have to "forget" any promises he made to YOU. If he is inconsiderate, it won't be DELIBERATE, with you. If he lied to her or anyone else, it was because they drove him to it. With you, he won't withhold information, or distort the truth. He won't break fundamental relationship agreements with YOU. He won't HAVE to, because you'll be right there validating him 24/7, supporting him and telling him how he's so CLEVER and BRAVE to have escaped such a horrible relationship, and how wonderful it is that he is working so HARD to overcome his terrible past!

And it's a good thing he's not going to do any of those things he might have done in the past, because then you won't have to worry about forgiving him. You see, she REPEATEDLY forgave him for the lies and the accidentally-on-purpose "mistakes", and all that did was make him feel bad about himself - that she could forgive and he couldn't. Wasn't that AWFUL of her to make him feel so bad that way? So she DESERVED to be punished even more. And she should NEVER have shown any guilt when he manipulated her. It just caused him to hurt her more. He told her it was "like blood in the water for sharks" for him. She should have known better. YOU know better. But then, he won't be manipulative and passive-aggressive with YOU.

He'll be different with you. You're SPECIAL.

And sure he made her work at the relationship when he wasn't really trying, but that wasn't being dishonest - he just didn't know what he really wanted, so that made it OK to put the burden of the relationship responsibility on her. Sure he admitted that he wanted her to make him the first priority in HER life, but he wasn't willing to afford her the same consideration. But that wasn't one of his patterns. He won't do that with YOU. Besides, he admitted his dishonest behavior after they broke up, so that makes it ok. It erases everything. His slate's clean. He even said he was sorry, months later, so that shows how sincere he was. He couldn't possibly still have been interlacing the apology with blame. He's not STILL acting manipulative and projecting issues.... and well, if he is, he's only doing that with HER because of their history - he wouldn't do that with YOU.

And it's so sweet how he still talks about how much he cared for his ex, how much he did for her out of love. Sometimes, he even talks fondly of his treasured memories of her, of how she "helped" him (when she wasn't hurting him, the witch) - that must mean he's a deep, sensitive guy, right? Maybe you can even "help" him to forgive her and heal from his terrible past... Just like SHE thought she could "help" him...

And besides, he did so many NICE things for her and all those other women. That should count for SOMETHING, right? It's not like he was emotionally abusive or manipulative ALL the time. So it kind of cancels things out, right? It's not like he HIT anyone or anything. At least the things he did didn't leave any VISIBLE marks. Besides, he probably just made honest mistakes, that's all. He couldn't have actually got off on seeing them hurt and crying. He wouldn't have LAUGHED condescendingly in someone's face while she was crying. Not the man YOU are involved with. HE certainly doesn't remember doing anything like that - and HIS memory is inviolate.

Even if he HAS been emotionally abusive and dishonest with others, he's going to be different with you. Especially after you two move intogether. It IS especially hard on him having a long-distance relationship. He wouldn't be talking about how hard it is to keep up the intensity and connectedness over such a distance. He wouldn't be implying that the relationship might not last if you don't move in together... He wouldn't have some kind of hidden agenda around that. He wouldn't be trying to subtley manipulate you, and get you worried about losing him, like he did with the others. He just REALLY CARES for you, and really wants the two of you to be together.

He's told you how different he feels with YOU. How different he IS with you. How healing your love is. How much he NEEDS you. What a wonderful person he thinks you are. How important you are in his life. How much he values and appreciates you, and misses you when you are not together. How amazingly transformed he feels now that he has finally met someone as SPECIAL as YOU.

So what if he told her the same things? He really MEANS it this time, with you.

He's a changed person, (this time, for REAL) with you. You're special.

You don't need to talk to any of his ex's to find out what he was REALLY like, because the past is the past, right? You couldn't possibly learn anything from their experiences, because he's not going to be like that anymore. It couldn't possibly be that they have anything valid to say. Besides, you trust him to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH about his past (as far as he can "remember" it), right?

And he's such a sensitive, caring guy, he REALLY does wish he and his ex could be FRIENDS now. Even though he NEVER ONCE called her or emailed her and said, "Listen, I don't want it to end like this. Can we please talk?" (Even when he was still living downstairs. Even when she was in tears, begging him to *please* leave. NEVER ONCE.) SHE is the one to blame for all the bad feelings. It was HER responsibility to rectify things with HIM. And he can't understand why she would have NO desire to have any contact with him, NO desire to have anything to do with him - after all he did for her, after what they had. After all, SHE is the one who did unforgivable things. He's so uncomfortable around her now, because of how much she hurt him. He wouldn't STILL be projecting HIS issues on her, and implying that they are HER issues... After all, he's a changed man.

But you don't have to worry. He won't PUBLICLY divulge YOUR insecurities or deeply intimate things you told him in confidence - he won't betray your trust - like he did with her. No matter what happens between you and him, you'll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS. You and he will always be able to work things out. So what if he said EXACTLY THE SAME THING TO HER (and all the others) too? It'll be different with you. You're special.

He won't wait a year or two before he starts in on YOU. He won't then use his knowledge of YOUR insecurities and emotional hot buttons to deliberately hurt YOU. He won't start using psychological warfare to couch his deliberately hurtful actions in social plausibility with YOU. He won't flirt with your close friends and use any attraction they might have to him, against YOU. NO. He won't tell you that you just weren't meeting his needs or living up to his expectations. He won't expect you to read his mind. He won't try to make it look like YOU are the reason he is unhappy, and YOU are the cause of your relationship problems. He won't set you up to get upset with him so that YOU are the one who breaks it off with him, (or you get so angry with him that he HAS to break it off with YOU) and HE looks like a martyr (AGAIN). So what if he made all the same promises to her? Just because he was following some of his old patterns when he got involved with you, doesn't mean he's going to follow through on the rest of them. He's CHANGED now.

You're special. Just like SHE was when he was with HER. Just like they ALL thought they were.

He's so sensitive and compassionate, he couldn't have talked coldly to them about killing animals or wanting to break someone's legs. No. Not the man YOU know. He's different with YOU.

And when he starts telling you how much he MISSES his adult son, it won't be to deflect, and distract you from being upset with him because he has just said or done something really inconsiderate or unkind. It won't be to evoke sympathy from you and get you thinking what a wonderful, caring parent he is. Just because he lived less than a mile away from his son and hardly ever SAW him doesn't mean that the "missing" monologue is for attention and redirection.

He's so nice right now, so supportive. So what if he was that way with her too at the beginning? He won't revert back to his headgames of praising and encouraging one minute and subtlely criticizing how you keep the house, the way you do things, things you say, in the next. He wouldn't yank YOUR chain like that.

He's so attentive right now, so interested in everything you say and do! He won't turn around one day and tell you he's NOT INTERESTED in the things that interest you, and then accuse you of not paying enough attention to HIM. He won't get mopey and upset because you get more attention than he does at social functions. He won't resent you for your charisma. Just because he did that before doesn't mean he's going to do it again with YOU. As long as you make sure HE is the center of attention, and he's getting his ego stroked, he probably won't get nasty with you... Right? It couldn't be that he is a bottomless pit, and that you can NEVER give him enough attention. Not the man YOU know. Not with YOU. You're special.

And the fact that another woman's experience was so terrible with him, his distortions and multiple personalities so devastating that she felt compelled to warn other people about him and the "type" of abuser he is - well that's no consequence. It must have been *her* that brought it out in him. He's so different now that he's found YOU and your healing love. So what if he said the same kinds of things to her? You are going to ignore those nagging little doubts in the back of your mind, because you want to believe so badly in the sweet, helpful, romantic person he is portraying right now. You don't want to believe there is a dark malicious side to him that enjoys seeing others suffer. You want to believe you are special, and he is right there encouraging you, building you up, telling you how nobody understands him the way YOU do. He's telling you that he just wants to stop feeling BAD about himself (and she made him feel that way, the witch!). He's telling you that if he can't make it work with you, he's afraid he can't make it with ANYONE... It's so tragic... (Yeah, he said that to her too, but so what?)

YOU are the one who can "fix" his wounded ego. Your relationship with him will be So Much Better than his last ones, because you're special! With you, he'll be honest and straight-forward for the first time in his life. He won't become cruel or passive-aggressive. He won't play headgames anymore. He'll stop using and discarding people like old kleenex. He won't be rude or unkind or disrespectful like he was with those other women. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, HE'S NOW A CHANGED MAN. (Changed for the better, of course.) Not because of therapy. Not because he's removed himself from relationships and taken some serious time to get his shit together. Not because he REALLY apologized (without interlacing it with blame) to anyone he harmed in the past, or made amends. Not because he's done any REAL work. Not because he's actually admitted to his real motivations, or made a single sincere change.

He just needed to find the RIGHT woman to "save" him from himself and "help" him become a better man, and that's YOU.

You just KNOW he'll be different with you. Right?

If you still think you are Special? Perhaps you should read this chapter from Romeo's Bleeding, by Roger Melton...
(Thank you to Erika Sherwood from "After Narcissitic Abuse" for this share)

Black Women Should Never Date or Marry Poor /Or Go back to an EX THAT Sexually, Emotionally, Spiritually or Physically Devastated Them!

Women who have dated down and paid badly for it.

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With more than 140 million albums sold worldwide, icon Whitney Houston is the most awarded woman in music history. Her powerful presence filled the screen in The Bodyguard, which made more than $400 million worldwide. The film's soundtrack remains the best-selling of all time. But behind her megastar success, Whitney hid the intense personal pain of her tumultuous 14-year marriage to R&B star Bobby Brown and a battle with drug abuse.

Whitney retreated from the spotlight after a controversial 2002 interview with Diane Sawyer.

In 2003, she faced more media attention after calling 911 to report that her husband hit her. The police report said Whitney had a bruised cheek and a cut inside her upper lip. Still, she refused to press charges. He was not convicted and has publicly denied ever hitting her.

The couple went public once again in 2005 on Bravo's reality show Being Bobby Brown.

Whitney has stayed silent about it all—until now. Back with her first album in seven years, I Look to You, she's sitting down with Oprah and opening up like never before about her past, present and bright future.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/entertainment/Oprahs-Exclusive-Interview-with-Whitney-Houston#ixzz1zcdFTTHV

Sharing bits of my story from Years ago to help OTHER WOMEN AND GIRLS.

Sharing One Womans Story Predator Sexually Immoral Filthy Violater.

Jasmine States:

"I have noticed there is a common thread amongst DBR (Damaged Beyond Repair) Black Men. There is a sick belief that if they harm you, sex you up, destroy you, cheat on you, hurt you, lie on you, lie about you, dis-respect you, violate you, stalk you, abuse you, that they can come back and still be with you! After all you know he LOVED you, but you just be TRIPPING, or you called him too many names, or whatever the sick reason the socio-satanic-path demon thinks he can come up with to try and BETRAY his way back in your life again.

I have never really dealt with filthy dudes. I only had an interaction with one. I have to tell you, he was the absolute FILTHIEST, DEMONIC, SNAKE I ever came across. Not only did he try and tear me down and every thing I ever built for myself, he tried to penetrate my family i.e MY BROTHER to sell drugs, then LIE on my brother and say he never tried to get my brother to sell drugs with him. He was such a NARCISSIST that he felt that him and my brother bonded so much that my brother would not tell me. WHAT THE PIG MUSLIM did not know, was that MY BROTHER PUT ME ON 3 WAY on the phone when WE CALLED him and he asked my brother to meet him at the bar to discuss DRUGS!

Black women need to be careful who they let in their beds, their lives and their homes and who the let around their families. This guy was the closest FORM OF SATAN I had ever encountered. When I say he was SATAN that is putting it mildly. This creature PIG dude, stalked me, lied on me, sexually violated me, followed me online and literally tried to DESTROY and degrade my sex life, and throw the PROSTITUTE spirit HE IS, on me. The sad thing about this PIG is the fact that, I knew him for over 20 years, and I thought we were friends and that he genuinley cared about me. Then you have the DAMAGED BEYOND BLACK WOMEN /Puerto Rican women that TOLERATE PIGS LIKE THIS.

This guy was and is and will always be a PREDATOR, he is a Parasite type energy that lingers and tries to hang onto your life and soul and feed off of you. He will lie BEG, FOLLOW, CRY and do whatever is necessary so that he can IMPOSE HIS WILL on your Pussy, your time, your spirit, your finances, your life, your time, WHILE he lives a double life, sleeping with men and women, getting drunk, carrying STD's, and having an entire OTHER FAMILY. He was and is mentally deranged. He is the first and only person that I ever built and put systems in place and made a solid decision in my mind that He will never be able to hurt, contact, be a friend or get back in my life ever again, As LONG as I am in EXISTENCE on this Planet in this lifetime. Its OVER FOREVER.

This damaged beyond repair PIG IS SO DILLUSIONAL and COCKY, he knows I am doing well business wise and I built a solid life in California, he is such a DERANGED mental Demon that I can literally feel him trying to figure out a way to get back in my life in the future for FINANCIAL GAIN! get it? Not to do right or give, HE WILL USE, Marraige, Begging, Claiming you, crying,  to BARBARIAN, Stalking kicking doors in to GET HIS WAY. He can't stand to LOSE. Its all about his WINNING AND CONQUERING, because is a BORN LOSER, Born premature and NEVER WON in life. The only time he won or felt good is when HE DAMAGED A WOMAN! HE is a misoygonist (spelling) he hates women and yes he is a a REVENGEFUL BITCH! He got turned out in Jail, he is Bi-Sexual, more on that later!

Black Women High HIV RATES from Black Men

Thank God I don't have HIV!

 I put LEGAL things in place to let the public and the world know that I don't want and will never ever have ANY THING to do with him as long as I live including documented Lawyer Letters, and Police Reports and two different States. If I ever returned to visit the town he lives in, I will IMMEDIATELY get a Restraining order during the VISIT and sit down WITH every MAN in my family and put them on ALERT! AT this point it is LIFE & DEATH, he is an enemy and what he did WILL NEVER BE FIXED, I moved on and DETERMINED with every fiber of my being to make sure this BUM STAYS GONE. He has beaten his childs mother so bad that he had to HIDE her from her family in a Hotel! He had a child with a TEENAGED GIRL! When I sat back and looked this guys profile I asked myself WTF was I doing with this sick low class, low life bum! Yea he has degrees, and he is super smart CHARLES MANSON IQ is so damn high, he is SUPER SMART! Instead of using his deranged brain to add to people's lives and build loving partnerships, he used trickery, his messed up busted up Penis, manipulation and sly foxness to get to you.

It's all about Timing, I looked at the events that was surrounding my life when I even allowed him in, and I was at a low tired point, he was someone I knew, he was easy, and I let him in, bottom line. He came after me with a VENGENCE AND AN AGENDA to PUNISH me for LEAVING and buying a house and telling him when I moved away that I did not want anything with him, cause he was a DRUNK, had no real income, 4 kids and barely could pay child support and living with his MOTHER in the house that he bought when he sold drugs.

The cultural mind set of GIVING A BROTHER A CHANCE. NEVER DO THAT!! EVER! He held that against me and came to me LIKE A JUDAS, begging, doing extra things, following, stalking, blowing up the phone, driving by my house, library, job, ect. He had a plan the whole time. The hell then started to take place.

Any one that knows me really well, knows that when I SAY am gonna do something, I am unstoppable, look at my CAREER. When I say am gonna WIN I WIN, AND I MADE A DECISION TO WIN over this sick PIG creature in the form of a HUMANS body. IMO, he is not even human, he is a walking DEMONIC LYING Specimen that wakes up every day thinking of ways TO CON people out of their good.

He is A PARASITE. There is NO GOOD in this guy he was born to fail and die in a bad spiritual state. He is deranged and damages you and when you let his ass have it, he will say YOUR SCORNED, Jealous, YOUR IN LOVE WITH HIM, ect, Charles Manson, Son of Sam, Ted Bundy Material. He VIOLATED EVERY SINGLE women he ever GOT IN BED WITH, every last one. I was the only one TO BUST HIS ASS DOWN, and Expose him and leave him and NEVER deal with him again. Hopefully when women see this, they will come forward about this Parasite.

 I will make sure I do whatever is necessary to protect myself from him BY ANY MEANS NECCESSARY. I AM ADMINANT IT IS over and there WILL NEVER BE A FRIENDSHIP, conversation, speaking, discussion, apology NOTHING. I Put systems in place with the MEN AROUND me to let them know this guy is a Parasite, Sexually Violating, Predator that is determined to have his way in my life and I am determined that if he ever tried to come back in my life, speak, discuss, talk anything thing whatsoever, he would get hurt and up to and including DIE. I have never felt so strongly about anyone being gone out of my life. Stalkers and Murders I don't take lightly to.

Sexual Violation comes in MANY FORMS. It is just not only forced sex from a stranger! It could be other aspects, such as, Cheating (lying or saying UNTRUTHS to get into someone's pants or sexual bed) knowing that they WOULD never let you in their bed had they KNOWN the truth about you.

Sexual Violation could come in the forms of Incurable STD's, and the person never taking ownership or responsibility but actually BLAMES YOU for having un-protected sex with them. Sexual Violater and Parasite DEMON to the 10th power.

Sexual Violation could come in the Form of Stalking and Calling and leaving explicit messages on your voice mail or in text message, words such as "Your pussy belongs" to me are all forms of Sexual abuse.

Forced Rape, Lying, Stalking, and any form of IMMORAL SEXUAL ACT is sexual violation.

Black American Women are the HIGHEST RATE of STD'S by the BLACK MEN, they are the highest RATE OF UNWED single mothers by their BLACK MEN." Bits of Jasmine's story Ends.

According to Black Spin 72 percent of Black Babies are born out of Wedlock.

According to the Los Angeles Times Black Women don't even Report Rape on Black Men!

"Remember, in this country black women have had to come to the aid of black men who were falsely being accused of sexual assault. Remember the movie 'Rosewood'? That's what it was all about," says Sharon Shelton, the senior program manager of the YWCA Greater Los Angeles Sexual Assault Crisis Program in Compton. It wasn't just a movie, it was history: In 1923, in Florida, the black town of Rosewood was obliterated by a white mob after a white woman claimed she'd been attacked by a black man.

" ... So it's very difficult now to disclose that your perpetrator was indeed of your own same race," Shelton says. And part of the reluctance, she explains, is the difficulty some black women have in finding "people who look like you" when they seek help.

Rape is one of the most underreported violent crimes, according to the Department of Justice, regardless of the victim's sex, age, race, ethnicity, religion or class.

But as a group, African American women are the least likely to break the silence.

BWIIM&R SLICE: Many New Couples as BW-WM Marriage Rate Continues to Increase

According to Black Women and Non Black Man Magazine By Evia


According to a recent TV report that highlighted a bw-wm couple, the marriage rate of bw-wm has increased 40% since 2005. Of course, most of that increase has not trickled into the Census figures yet. As Felicia points out, many of the pics she's finding now depict recent bw-wm marriages and engagements--or those that took place in the last 1 to 2 years. As we know, many other bw-wm couples are in exclusive relationships but are not engaged or married yet.
Anyway, here is a tiny number of the faces denoting this rapid change.
Thanks, CJ for this NYT Marriage Announcement of Damali and William
 Of course, most couples don't post their pics on the internet or in newspapers at all. I suppose there is no sure way to track the actual number of these marriages on a monthly basis except by looking into the records of marriage license offices in all 50 states. I know that when Darren and I went to get our marriage license, we had to cite our "race," but I'm not sure if this is mandatory any more.

________________________________________________________________

Thanks, Lorraine for these pics!  Hollie and Caleb




















     Brittany and Jon  SITE about them.Thanks, Felicia! And thanks for this blurb about them. It goes to show that these couples have multi-dimensional lives. They're not just couples who sit around looking beautiful in wedding attire or posing for camera shots. LOL!
"Congratulations to Jon and Brittany who are getting married this May and are the winners of the Free Wedding Photography giveaway from PhotoDreamz Photography.  This beautiful couple decided they wanted to take the free engagement portraits and get images of their baby girl instead.  The results were amazing!"
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Twanna and Josh  SITE This array of pics goes to show that these couples come in a wide variety.
 Here's something else: I can recall that when I was dating prior to my 2nd marriage, I met a man who had an 8-year old daughter. He was seeking a woman who would not only be his wife but a mother to his daughter.
There was nothing wrong with that and we were compatible otherwise, however I broke off the relationship very early because I didn't want to be a mother to his young daughter. So, that was the deal-crusher. I was definitely not looking for a husband who would be a father to my sons because my sons already had an emotionally, practically, and financially involved father. So, I knew it would NOT be a good deal for me because his daughter would have consumed a lot of my time and energy since I would have tried my best to be a loving, quality mother to her.
[I love this look of serenity on Twanna's face. At last, she too can EXHALE! LOL!]
Anyway, this is exactly WHY many men do NOT want custody of their children, though they may pretend otherwise. LOL! They know it can easily hinder them in future relationships. 
When a woman is vetting a man, she should not only vet the qualities and traits of the man, she should also vet a situation to determine whether it's a good fit for her. This would not have been a good fit for me.
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 Frenchie and Dan  SITE - Thanks, Felicia for the dozens of pics you've sent me in the last week of recent couples of ALL ages. I will surely post them all!

I'm so happy to see that these bw have decided that they will experience satisfaction and fulfillment in life with a mate.
As I've tried to get it across to bw, they first  have to CHOOSE that they ARE going to reach into the ocean of abundant QLL men and find or be found by their ONE.

Once they make that decision, their actions will follow and before long, they will find or be found by him. Many bw actually "think" they've made that decision and they wonder why they haven't met their ONE. It's because they actually haven't made that decision.

If they had, they wouldn't be constantly looking over their shoulder to figure out whether others are okay with their decision. I know this because over the years, I've constantly gotten notes from bw who worry about what their mother, their father, other relatives, their girlfriends, and this and that one will think. Those women have NOT made a decision to reach into the ocean of abundant QLL men.

So bw--don't get mad or be jealous about the fact that I and other bw are reaching or have reached in there. LOL!  SMARTER bw are never going to starve while there are plenty of good fish in the ocean. 
Bw, remember that if you are willing, enough heterosexual men will know it and they will appear. Men are always looking for willing women. LOL! This is pure male wiring and nothing is going to change that.
You then have to steer your interactions with certain ones of these men into a relationship with just ONE of them--that slowly but surely heads toward where YOU want it to go--and seal the deal.
Here's a pic of how a bw looks when she and her man have sealed the deal--exhaling in the divine sun. LOL!
Just looking at them, I can just feel that sun! Life doesn't get much better than that. Umph!

White Guys Who Love Black Women: Beauty of the day: Niki McElroy

White Guys Who Love Black Women: Beauty of the day: Niki McElroy: Aside from being a very beautiful black woman, Niki McElroy is a great resource for all questions concerning interracial dating. Please chec...