According to this AWESOME BLOG CLICK HERE that changed my LOVE LIFE to Joy and Happiness FOREVER!
Kisha and Michael Newspaper ARTICLE about their meeting and marriage. -- Thanks, Felicia and thanks for highlighting the smooth, butterfly moves she made! LOL! "Michael . . . was sitting alone in the shade listening to an iPod, reading a book, minding his own business. Kisha sat down next to him. "What are you listening to?" she said. "O.A.R.," he said. She'd never heard of the band. It didn't sound like her style. She noticed Michael had a Marine Corps tattoo. Kisha's dad was in the Air Force and always playfully told his daughter not to date Marines. But today, she just needed someone she could stand to sit with for five hours. No one was getting married here. "Would you say you're with us so we can sit together?" she asked. From Michael's perspective, it was obvious. Why wouldn't he want to sit with two pretty girls? He agreed.
Thanks, Lorraine for this recent pic showing 3 teen bw and their prom dates. Yes, some younger bw are finally GETTING IT and playing their female cards!! LOL! And ITA with what you said: "These girls don't feel inhibited like their counterparts, classmates in blackistan." _____________________ Since I was 17 years old, I mainly mixed with women from numerous ethnic groups and ALL of those women have a RUCOSS (reasonably uplifting culture of some sort). I've noticed that most often, they are not aware of how their RUCOSS guides their lives, the ways it helps them. Whether these women grew up in Hispanic, Iranian, Nigerian, Jewish, Kenyan, mainstream white culture or white ethnic culture, they ALL access that guidebook/roadmap, or it overarches their lives in an uplifting way on certain key fronts. This RUCOSS consists of a CUSTOMIZED accumulation of tried and true wisdom and valuable practices that have trickled down through generations to them, albeit they are not usually aware of it. The customized guidebook for the Hispanic woman is different than the customized guidebook for Asian women, which is different from the customized guidebook for the Nigerian woman, which is different from the customized guidebook for the Italian woman, etc. etc. BECAUSE each group of women has a somewhat different history. That's why their RUCOSS uplift guidebook or roadmap has been customized. There are, of course, certain broad similarities, but there are also some glaring differences. _______________________ Thanks, ANM for this video depicting a major missed opportunity for a possible QLL relationship for both of them. This shows how racism, not only restricts blacks, it also limits opportunities for whites. Of course, I'm assuming here that had they been of the same "race," one or the other of them would have spoken. However, over the years, I've heard from a bunch of wm who told me that their greatest love was a bw, but they went on to marry a woman who was approved of by their parents and social group--a "safe" woman. This is precisely why we often see many older-than-30 wm marrying bw. It's because they no longer need parental support or approval or peer approval. Older-than-30 wm are usually in established careers/business and don't need the nod from various intolerant whites. However, this reluctance of some young wm to date bw is changing, as we can see by the prom pic above. Most likely, this young wm that the video depicts will always wonder a bit about what might have happened, but she's probably used to wm looking at her and not saying anything. SMH Impasse from Reel 13 on Vimeo. ___________________________ Many typical AA woman of today are from a "brand-new" group of women. In a very true sense, they were born last night. They don't have access to their own customized guidebook or roadmap and what they did have, prior to the Civil Rights era, AAs threw away when they felt they could scream, "Hallelujah, we have overcome! Forget about all that old stuff because we can finally integrate with white folks! LOL! So, these brand new naked AAs, lacking any RUCOSS clothing, started mingling with these other groups without any sort of interior or exterior clothing and we often see or read about their anger these days, wondering why they constantly feel the stings, cuts, scrapes, bruises, punctures, punches, cuts, knife wounds, and experience the lack of success they do. WHY? Well, it's because these brand-new AAs are naked--LOL!-- but in an integrated society, they are mingling with people who are clothed and in some cases, these folks from other groups/cultures are wearing several layers of clothes from their RUCOSS! Since AAs can't see the RUCOSS of these other groups operating, they think that these other folks are just like them or naked. NOT TRUE! AA women need to form a RUCOSS or develop a network with an overarching RUCOSS. Y'all can write me a thousand more notes about this or that, but all roads will always come back to the need for developing or resurrecting a customized RUCOSS. I'm an "old-school" AA woman, but mind you, all old-school AA women are not the same. My RUCOSS wisdom does NOT include any room for tolerating incompatible, less-than quality men as mates. My mother and grandmother were unflinchingly clear when they explained that part of the RUCOSS wisdom to me. That's important to understand because some women who say they're old-school didn't get that part. Another thing is that Creflo Dollar situation. SMH! That too is a perfect example of what would have NEVER occurred on my "old school" slice of life. Yet, there are folks claiming that that was "old school" discipline. An "old-school" teenage girl from my old-school slice of life would not EVER call the police on her parents, but maybe Creflo Dollar was not an old-school parent. I know nothing about him. So, I dunno. I have grown sons, and they would have known that the day they called the police on their mother or dad who are doing all they can to keep them out of a cage or negative stats is the day that they don't have a mother anymore. Yeah, that's a strong statement, but when I looked down into their little newborn faces at the hospital, I VOWED that my sons would never end up in anyone's cage or in any set of negative statistics. And I did what I needed to do to enable them to develop their potential and step 1 towards that meant to keep them away from poisonous messages and out of all kinds of detention rooms, correctional centers, or any other type of cages. My RUCOSS upbringing had prepared me to go the distance to do that. First, I chose a good dad for them. And WE insured that there was structure and stability in their lives; we gave them a good moral upbringing; we made sure they didn't spend time with messed-up peers or damaged adults, we spent time with them; we didn't leave it up to other folks to tell them who they were--we made sure they knew they were very valuable human beings, etc. But, then, I wasn't brand new; I had the RUCOSS guiding me. Their father has a RUCOSS too. If one of my sons were to ever land in a cage, I would be "no mo' good"--as my grandmom used to say in Ebonics. LOL! That would actually kill me, so he would literally not have a mom anymore. It would also kill me and their father if one of my sons ever called the police to arrest me and put me or their dad in a cage!!! I wouldn't even want to live anymore if my son called the police to put me in a cage! Maybe, Mr. Dollar was a brand-new AA, trying to raise children--naked. It can be quite easily predicted what's going to happen in MOST cases, given those circumstances. So, as I said, it all depends. With my guiding RUCOSS, I could guide many of you to much greater heights because this is who I am. I've seen the whole cycle of many of your experiences and experiments from start to finish many times because as the saying goes: "There is nothing new under the sun." There is definitely nothing new under the sun when it comes to female-male relationships but many people get confused because of the veneer of newness. Don't believe it!! Males and females are still the same as they've been for the last 50,000 years. Female wiring was NOT undone by the women's movement that took place a few decades ago--as many people seem to believe????????????? Once again, I'm not particularly smart; I'm just not brand-new because I DID get that trickled down RUCOSS wisdom and I've improved on it to match the times--the way all generations of women try to or are supposed to, as they move on up. When I was in my twenties and lived in NYC, I knew right away I could out-compete most AA women when it came to the type of man I wanted BECAUSE I had gotten that trickled down RUCOSS wisdom. Out-competing those women for the type of man I wanted meant that I didn't even deal with the kinds of men they dealt with. I had thankfully not been shaped to want the type of man that MOST AA women wanted. That was my first plus. But to be totally honest, I resisted the RUCOSS wisdom of my mother and grandmother too, at first, because I considered it old-fashioned fuddy-duddiness but by the time I reached 25, I began to realize how valuable it was because I saw how so many young AA women in NYC who had not gotten that RUCOSS wisdom were collapsing, being used, being emotionally and otherwise battered, abandoned with children, bitter, etc. and in a place like NYC, many of these brand new women didnt even live to see 26. I'm not romanticizing the wisdom of the RUCOSS. As with anything, you have to take what you can use and toss out the rest. ******If you think that you might benefit from a RUCOSS session with me or just want to chat about something, please see my righthand sidebar. Contact me with the word "RUCOSS" in the subject line and jot down notes or specific questions for the session. Here's a note from a young bw who had a session with me last week. Good evening Evia, Thank you! I really appreciate that you took the time to advise me. The ____________ gala was awesome! I was a total social butterfly as you advised, and I had so much fun I was about ready to burst lol! I knew right away that these were the kind of people I wanted to be around. I was able to get a much more concrete idea about what I want in a husband. I really enjoyed myself. In fact, I know the owner of the company that hosted this event, we talked, and I think I'll make plans to work for him for some future events like this one. that would give me great exposure for meeting new friends and other types of relationships . . . . I'm so excited! I would like to make another appointment with you for this coming Tuesday around 7:30 pm if you're available at that time.
BWIIM&R: SLICE: The 80-20 Rule, "Brand New" BW, & the Value of RUCOSS Wisdom, Notes
Kisha and Michael Newspaper ARTICLE about their meeting and marriage. -- Thanks, Felicia and thanks for highlighting the smooth, butterfly moves she made! LOL! "Michael . . . was sitting alone in the shade listening to an iPod, reading a book, minding his own business. Kisha sat down next to him. "What are you listening to?" she said. "O.A.R.," he said. She'd never heard of the band. It didn't sound like her style. She noticed Michael had a Marine Corps tattoo. Kisha's dad was in the Air Force and always playfully told his daughter not to date Marines. But today, she just needed someone she could stand to sit with for five hours. No one was getting married here. "Would you say you're with us so we can sit together?" she asked. From Michael's perspective, it was obvious. Why wouldn't he want to sit with two pretty girls? He agreed.He was quiet at first, absorbed in his reading. But somewhere along that train ride, Kisha and Michael started talking. They talked about their favorite music, their experiences of military life, their travels through Africa and the Caribbean. He teased her for taking so many pictures of the pollution along the train route. They shared snacks. They actually had a lot in common.
He gave her a kiss on the cheek when they got to Miami. She thought about him all weekend. When they got back home to Tampa, they emailed. Then they talked on the phone. Then they went out for a date at Moon Under Water in St. Petersburg. He arrived nervous and overdressed in a polo shirt, and she arrived calm and laid-back in sandals. At dinner they talked about their love of the Vietnamese food pho and made lots of jokes. "Pho-geddabout it!" They laughed and laughed, the kind of laughing that makes you want to stay with someone for a really long time. Two years later, Michael re-enacted their first date. He proposed on the sidewalk along Beach Drive." _____________________________________ ENTRY starts I'm always careful in making decisions about anything of importance. HOWEVER, a smaller number of my decisions have brought a bounty of abundance to my life. OMG! So, I would say that the 80-20 rule or the Pareto Principle (look it up) would definitely be accurate in my case. That is to say that a small number of highly beneficial decisions I made brought a windfall of profit or benefits to my life. Are you wondering whether I'm referring to my IR marriage as one of those beneficial decisions? Well, in a way--Yes! But, I could say the same about my IC (intercultural) marriage to my Nigerian ex-husband. In hindsight--in both cases, these were great decisions, primarily because thanks to my mother and my grandmother, I VETTED very well. ALL men must be vetted. A RUCOSS that functioned to promote the best interests of bw would have been urging AA women to do this--all along. I received a note from a woman recently asking me about whether I'd compiled my common sense views in ONE book because she'd like to buy that book as a gift for various other deluded AA women who stumble around in a Blackistan mindset. Dear Evia, Have you written a book encompassing all of your “common sense” advice? I have learned so much since I discovered your blog a year ago. I’ve been having some amazing conversations with certain women I know and think some of them are getting why I have always dated white men and why I eventually married one. Growing up, I was called an oreo, but some of the bw who called me that are finally ready to look at some of the things realistically, and I would like to purchase a comprehensive book or manual to give a few of them as a gift. I plan on buying one of them the Vetting series, but she is not there yet, she is just beginning the journey to understand why it is essential for her survival that she disconnect from [certain] BM men and leave them alone! Thanks to this notewriter for her note! No, I haven't compiled ALL of my common sense thought into ONE book, but thanks for giving me the idea to try to do something along those lines LOL! I would really appreciate it if you would let me know which particular essays of mine "spoke" to you the loudest. LOL! I'm asking my other readers to do that too--to select their favorites-- and then maybe I'll pull together a bunch of the most selected ones out of the 750 or more I've written and put them in ONE book. Please, ALL of you--let me know!! In the meantime, I highly recommend blogger Halima's book: http://www.amazon.com/First-Steps-Personal-Empowerment-ebook/dp/B007VDJFDW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1338077159&sr=1-1 Or check out veteran blogger Khadija's straight-no-chaser book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Sojourners-Passport-Womans-Deserve/dp/1432751891 These are both required books for any bw who needs or wants to deprogram from the AA collective's cult program designed strictly for AA girls and women. After reading those 2 books, I guarantee you, any bw WILL be changed. Why is it that SOME bw don't seem to be able to make windfall type decisions and others totally swim in piss-poor decisions? Of course, many people would say it's just their fate. I do NOT agree with that because I will never believe that our CREATOR or the originating force responsible for our existence (however you may conceive of this entity--whether it's due to intelligent design or a deity) ever chose AA women to live lives of LACK. Why would AA women, out of all the women on earth, be selected out to live lives with such deficits--as is told by various stats???? Of course, a segment of women in every group of women have a certain amout of deficits in their lives--because in every life, some rain must fall. I'm pointing here to the sheer volume and magnitude of deficits in an inordinate number of AA women's lives.The main reason that an overwhelming number of AA women have these 24-7 floods in their lives is due to the lack of the RUCOSS or the lack of a guidebook or common sense roadmap customized for their situation. A RUCOSS would have been screaming at AA women to "Mate out or die out! as far back as 25 years ago because that's when the Hip Hop era made it clear that AAs as a group were taking their last gasp. This is not my hindsight talking. I argued even then--after what happened to C. Dolores Tucker--that Hip Hop was the dying canary in the mine, warning AA women to drop everything and run for the hills!
Thanks, Lorraine for this recent pic showing 3 teen bw and their prom dates. Yes, some younger bw are finally GETTING IT and playing their female cards!! LOL! And ITA with what you said: "These girls don't feel inhibited like their counterparts, classmates in blackistan." _____________________ Since I was 17 years old, I mainly mixed with women from numerous ethnic groups and ALL of those women have a RUCOSS (reasonably uplifting culture of some sort). I've noticed that most often, they are not aware of how their RUCOSS guides their lives, the ways it helps them. Whether these women grew up in Hispanic, Iranian, Nigerian, Jewish, Kenyan, mainstream white culture or white ethnic culture, they ALL access that guidebook/roadmap, or it overarches their lives in an uplifting way on certain key fronts. This RUCOSS consists of a CUSTOMIZED accumulation of tried and true wisdom and valuable practices that have trickled down through generations to them, albeit they are not usually aware of it. The customized guidebook for the Hispanic woman is different than the customized guidebook for Asian women, which is different from the customized guidebook for the Nigerian woman, which is different from the customized guidebook for the Italian woman, etc. etc. BECAUSE each group of women has a somewhat different history. That's why their RUCOSS uplift guidebook or roadmap has been customized. There are, of course, certain broad similarities, but there are also some glaring differences. _______________________ Thanks, ANM for this video depicting a major missed opportunity for a possible QLL relationship for both of them. This shows how racism, not only restricts blacks, it also limits opportunities for whites. Of course, I'm assuming here that had they been of the same "race," one or the other of them would have spoken. However, over the years, I've heard from a bunch of wm who told me that their greatest love was a bw, but they went on to marry a woman who was approved of by their parents and social group--a "safe" woman. This is precisely why we often see many older-than-30 wm marrying bw. It's because they no longer need parental support or approval or peer approval. Older-than-30 wm are usually in established careers/business and don't need the nod from various intolerant whites. However, this reluctance of some young wm to date bw is changing, as we can see by the prom pic above. Most likely, this young wm that the video depicts will always wonder a bit about what might have happened, but she's probably used to wm looking at her and not saying anything. SMH Impasse from Reel 13 on Vimeo. ___________________________ Many typical AA woman of today are from a "brand-new" group of women. In a very true sense, they were born last night. They don't have access to their own customized guidebook or roadmap and what they did have, prior to the Civil Rights era, AAs threw away when they felt they could scream, "Hallelujah, we have overcome! Forget about all that old stuff because we can finally integrate with white folks! LOL! So, these brand new naked AAs, lacking any RUCOSS clothing, started mingling with these other groups without any sort of interior or exterior clothing and we often see or read about their anger these days, wondering why they constantly feel the stings, cuts, scrapes, bruises, punctures, punches, cuts, knife wounds, and experience the lack of success they do. WHY? Well, it's because these brand-new AAs are naked--LOL!-- but in an integrated society, they are mingling with people who are clothed and in some cases, these folks from other groups/cultures are wearing several layers of clothes from their RUCOSS! Since AAs can't see the RUCOSS of these other groups operating, they think that these other folks are just like them or naked. NOT TRUE! AA women need to form a RUCOSS or develop a network with an overarching RUCOSS. Y'all can write me a thousand more notes about this or that, but all roads will always come back to the need for developing or resurrecting a customized RUCOSS. I'm an "old-school" AA woman, but mind you, all old-school AA women are not the same. My RUCOSS wisdom does NOT include any room for tolerating incompatible, less-than quality men as mates. My mother and grandmother were unflinchingly clear when they explained that part of the RUCOSS wisdom to me. That's important to understand because some women who say they're old-school didn't get that part. Another thing is that Creflo Dollar situation. SMH! That too is a perfect example of what would have NEVER occurred on my "old school" slice of life. Yet, there are folks claiming that that was "old school" discipline. An "old-school" teenage girl from my old-school slice of life would not EVER call the police on her parents, but maybe Creflo Dollar was not an old-school parent. I know nothing about him. So, I dunno. I have grown sons, and they would have known that the day they called the police on their mother or dad who are doing all they can to keep them out of a cage or negative stats is the day that they don't have a mother anymore. Yeah, that's a strong statement, but when I looked down into their little newborn faces at the hospital, I VOWED that my sons would never end up in anyone's cage or in any set of negative statistics. And I did what I needed to do to enable them to develop their potential and step 1 towards that meant to keep them away from poisonous messages and out of all kinds of detention rooms, correctional centers, or any other type of cages. My RUCOSS upbringing had prepared me to go the distance to do that. First, I chose a good dad for them. And WE insured that there was structure and stability in their lives; we gave them a good moral upbringing; we made sure they didn't spend time with messed-up peers or damaged adults, we spent time with them; we didn't leave it up to other folks to tell them who they were--we made sure they knew they were very valuable human beings, etc. But, then, I wasn't brand new; I had the RUCOSS guiding me. Their father has a RUCOSS too. If one of my sons were to ever land in a cage, I would be "no mo' good"--as my grandmom used to say in Ebonics. LOL! That would actually kill me, so he would literally not have a mom anymore. It would also kill me and their father if one of my sons ever called the police to arrest me and put me or their dad in a cage!!! I wouldn't even want to live anymore if my son called the police to put me in a cage! Maybe, Mr. Dollar was a brand-new AA, trying to raise children--naked. It can be quite easily predicted what's going to happen in MOST cases, given those circumstances. So, as I said, it all depends. With my guiding RUCOSS, I could guide many of you to much greater heights because this is who I am. I've seen the whole cycle of many of your experiences and experiments from start to finish many times because as the saying goes: "There is nothing new under the sun." There is definitely nothing new under the sun when it comes to female-male relationships but many people get confused because of the veneer of newness. Don't believe it!! Males and females are still the same as they've been for the last 50,000 years. Female wiring was NOT undone by the women's movement that took place a few decades ago--as many people seem to believe????????????? Once again, I'm not particularly smart; I'm just not brand-new because I DID get that trickled down RUCOSS wisdom and I've improved on it to match the times--the way all generations of women try to or are supposed to, as they move on up. When I was in my twenties and lived in NYC, I knew right away I could out-compete most AA women when it came to the type of man I wanted BECAUSE I had gotten that trickled down RUCOSS wisdom. Out-competing those women for the type of man I wanted meant that I didn't even deal with the kinds of men they dealt with. I had thankfully not been shaped to want the type of man that MOST AA women wanted. That was my first plus. But to be totally honest, I resisted the RUCOSS wisdom of my mother and grandmother too, at first, because I considered it old-fashioned fuddy-duddiness but by the time I reached 25, I began to realize how valuable it was because I saw how so many young AA women in NYC who had not gotten that RUCOSS wisdom were collapsing, being used, being emotionally and otherwise battered, abandoned with children, bitter, etc. and in a place like NYC, many of these brand new women didnt even live to see 26. I'm not romanticizing the wisdom of the RUCOSS. As with anything, you have to take what you can use and toss out the rest. ******If you think that you might benefit from a RUCOSS session with me or just want to chat about something, please see my righthand sidebar. Contact me with the word "RUCOSS" in the subject line and jot down notes or specific questions for the session. Here's a note from a young bw who had a session with me last week. Good evening Evia, Thank you! I really appreciate that you took the time to advise me. The ____________ gala was awesome! I was a total social butterfly as you advised, and I had so much fun I was about ready to burst lol! I knew right away that these were the kind of people I wanted to be around. I was able to get a much more concrete idea about what I want in a husband. I really enjoyed myself. In fact, I know the owner of the company that hosted this event, we talked, and I think I'll make plans to work for him for some future events like this one. that would give me great exposure for meeting new friends and other types of relationships . . . . I'm so excited! I would like to make another appointment with you for this coming Tuesday around 7:30 pm if you're available at that time.
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